My band Rest, Repose has put our our first record, The Sleep City EP.
My marriage has failed.
No, no chance of saving it.
No one thing caused it either. It was lots of small things, with one, big issue always being what our arguments orbited around. But thats not important anymore.
It probably should have ended years ago. But it didnt. It didnt end because I think when you are young, broke and hopeless and you meet someone else that is young, broke and hopeless, its easy to do all those things TOGETHER instead of alone. And you hang onto that.
We had fun. We had alot of fun. Back then, that is. If you base your relationship on surviving life together, you are trying to build on top of water. Its a literal (and emotional) sand castle next to an incoming tide.
So fast forward many years down the road, and you are no longer living off of Top Ramen. You are also no longer struggling to pay your cell phone bill and arent worried about stopping at Starbucks and spending the $4.50 for your mocha. But when you get back, your partner expects you to engage, to converse, chat, whatever. And you expect the same. But it doesnt happen.
The first time you find yourself having nothing to talk about, you brush it off. The second time? Sorry honey, I am just stressed out about work. But this can happen over years. Many, many years. And a void opens up. And so both you and your significant other will begin to find distractions to fill that void. Because you dont know, is it me? Is it them? It must be me. But if I buy us that new DVD, we can watch a movie because that will count as spending time together, its fine.
We used to have fun when we watched movies. We used to watch alot of movies. Man we were great together.
That is the tragedy of nostalgia: if you are not aware of it, it can put a blanket over your evaluation skills. It drives you to put in those extra work hours because maybe its the work itself that is the cause of this seemingly simple problem of not being able to communicate, and before all the work and opportunity we WERE communicating.
Then the day comes.
Your significant other is leaving you. Someone else makes them feel like you two used to all those years ago.
And thats when your drive to play guitar, write a song, eat or even get out of bad goes totally out of the window. The proverbial tide has come in. Of course it has. The entire foundation of the relationship was to just take another step, not working on common goals, talking about children, careers, etc. We were worried about getting $5.00 together, why would we have ever talked about the bigger things in life? Seems silly now. We had all the time in the world.
That is the tragedy of nostalgia.